Trauma can deeply influence our lives; sometimes in ways that manifest very clearly, other times in more subtle and insidious ways. While the effects of trauma can vary from person to person, understanding its complexities can be key to healing. This blog explores the different types of trauma, how they can impact us, and the potential for recovery through therapy.
Big T Trauma vs. Small T Trauma
When we think of trauma, our minds often leap to catastrophic events—accidents, assaults, or life-threatening situations. These are examples of Big T Trauma—major, often life-altering events that overwhelm our ability to cope. Big T Trauma can lead to conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), with symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, and heightened anxiety. These visible markers often signal a clear, identifiable source of distress.
Small T Trauma refers to events that may seem less dramatic but are nonetheless deeply impactful. These include experiences like being repeatedly ongoing criticism, feeling repeatedly rejected, or facing a lack of consistency and predictability from key attachment figures. While they might not involve life-threatening danger, or stem from one discrete event, they can still erode a person’s sense of self and security over time. Small T Trauma often flies under the radar, but its cumulative effects can be just as damaging, particularly when left unaddressed.
Trauma by Commission vs. Trauma by Omission
Trauma can also be classified by how it occurs: by commission or by omission.
Trauma by commission happens when something harmful is done to you, like physical or emotional abuse. This type of trauma is easier to identify because it involves direct acts of harm. Trauma by omission refers to what should have happened but did not happen. Examples of this are emotional neglect, absence of love, absence of support and validation, or failure to protect. When our basic emotional needs are not met, we experience a deep sense of abandonment. This influences the development of our sense of self and our ability to relate to ourself with compassion. Trauma by omission is often harder to recognise because it is rooted in an absence, leaving us feeling empty and unsupported. This is often accompanied by a tendency to question our own suffering, because there was no singular traumatic ‘event’ to account for the distress we feel.
Both forms of trauma can have long-lasting effects, shaping how we perceive ourselves and the world. And it is entirely possible, and quite common, to have a mix of both types.
The Immediate and Subtle Effects of Trauma
Flashbacks and nightmares are common, overt signs of PTSD. These symptoms are the mind’s way of trying to process overwhelming experiences, but they can trap a person in a cycle of fear and distress. Flashbacks can transport you back to the traumatic event, with sensory details making you feel as if the traumatic event is happening right now, and danger is still present. Nightmares, meanwhile, disrupt sleep and perpetuate a sense of unease.
However, trauma also impacts us in less obvious ways. It can distort how we make sense of the world, shaping our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world in general. After trauma, people may develop a deep mistrust in others or see the world as inherently dangerous. Relationships become fraught, as intimacy and vulnerability may feel like risks we are no longer willing to take. We may withdraw from those we love, fearing abandonment or betrayal.
Our relationship with ourselves can also suffer. Trauma often leads to feelings of shame, guilt, or inadequacy. We might internalise the harm we have experienced, believing that we are somehow at fault or undeserving of love and care. This can lead to self-criticism and deep shame, leaving us trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage. For many people, the link between some of these experiences and early trauma may not be clear, or may not be understood at all.
Coping Mechanisms: Avoidance and Numbing
In response to trauma, many people develop coping behaviours that help them survive, but ultimately restrict their lives. Avoidance becomes a go-to strategy. We avoid reminders of the trauma—places, people, or even feelings that could trigger painful memories. While avoidance might bring short-term relief it also keeps us from fully engaging with life and addressing the trauma.
Numbing is another common response. Some turn to substances, food, or overworking to drown out the pain. Others emotionally disconnect, suppressing their feelings to the point where they feel detached from themselves and others. These coping mechanisms may help us get through the day, but they can prevent true healing.
EMDR: A Path to Healing
The good news is that trauma doesn’t have to define us forever. Therapy is an opportunity to explore past experiences, and bring links between past experiences and present difficulties into view. This can include recognising where trauma by omission was a feature of early life, and making sense of present experiences in that context.
Approaches like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are a powerful tool for reprocessing past memories safely. We cannot change the past, but what we can do is change how the mind and body hold onto past experiences. We can take the emotional intensity out of the memory, meaning that it can be remembered without being re-experienced.
Final Thoughts
Trauma leaves deep imprints, but it doesn’t have to dictate the course of your life. By understanding the different forms trauma can take, and acknowledging the various ways it impacts us, we can start to heal. Therapy plays a critical role in this journey, guiding us through the pain and toward a life that feels whole again. Remember, trauma may be part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be the end of it.